Alone

Jennifer:

        So starting off I just wanna say that the reason we haven't written in awhile is because of some big changes in both of our lives. My family and I recently had to move from California to Florida because my husband got new orders. I will allow Jamie to explain her family changes if she so chooses. So because we moved obviosly Jamie and I no longer live in the same state! I miss my friend dearly but now that things have settled would like to continue to blog.

         The topic this time is single parenting. I know that I am married therefore not a single parent in the traditional sense, but this new duty station will require me to be parenting alone most of the time. My husband now has many new responsibilities and will not be home very often. I have mixed feelings about the upcoming challanges I will surely have to face.

           The biggest challenge I am sure will be finding time for myself. As a stay at home mom I barely get time for myself anyways. Having the kids all day and then giving my husband time to decompress when he comes home leaves little to no time for me as it is. So what will I do when he doesn't even come home? On top of that I am used to my hubby doing things around the house to help me. Who will distract my daughter so that I can prepare dinner? Who is gonna help my son with his homework while I finish the laundry?

             Another thing I think I am gonna have a HUGE problem with is a case of the it's not fairs!! I am gonna try to prevent it but it's kinda hard not to feel some resentment when you are married and still have to be a single parent!! I know, I know I choose to be a military spouse and I love it most of the time. It's just kinda hard to be thrilled about it when your baby won't stop crying and your other kid won't stop talking. Your just sitting there numbly thinking if my husband does not walk through that door RIGHT NOW and help me I think I am going to lose my mind!! Other times it's not so bad. I can do things how I want to on my schedule and not have to worry about any complaints. These are just a few things that I have discoevered to be a problem so far. I am sure I will run into more!

              Long ago and far away I actually was a single parent to my son. It was a lot easier then. I have grow accustomed to having my husband around. It is taking awhile for me to get accustomed to this new life. Add on top of that the lack of family and friends here and it just makes things harder. I hope that I don't go completely insane in the next three years!! Hopefully the next duty station will be a little easier.
             
Jamie:
  Ok so where to begin... well it's been quite a while since Ive even had a moment long enough to sit down let alone blog.  The past 6 months have been completely life changing for me.  My husband I have been going through a really rough patch in our marriage, and I really mean rough. I'm not going to get into particulars on that subject all you need to know is he has been absent in mine and my kids life for the last 6 months.  So on that note I have assumed the role of being a single mom, all but the financial aspect.  I will say that I had no idea what it was like for single moms and still to a degree don't because I don't work and have to solely support my children on my own. 
  It's hard having to take care of the kids all day and know that there is no relief coming at the end of the day.  There have been times that ive broken down and cried only to have my oldest son say mommy don't cry.  It really tears me up inside when I really think about what they must be going through.  Ive lost my patience with them on numerous occasions over really nothing just needing a moment of silence and not being able to get it.  It makes me wonder why before I  didn't think that going to the grocery store alone was a break.  Now it's a miracle if I can find someone willing to watch my kids so I can go to the dentist.  I have a whole new outlook on time alone and how to really enjoy it.  I will say this that through it all I feel like Ive grown as a person so much and have found a person I never knew I could be.  I no longer shutter at the thought of taking the kids out alone even when you have a mishap and end up in the emergency room.  Yes that did happen!  I decided to take the kids to go feed the ducks, Chloe fell in the lake I ran to get her slipped and fell on my arm.  I thought for sure I had broken it.  It was swollen and hurt like a bitch.  Finally I managed to drag myself and my daughter out of the lake and my oldest goes in. What fun.  So again I'm fishing a child out of the lake.  We get up safely away from the water and at this point is when the pain and realization that I'm alone with three kids at a lake sets in.  Holy Shit what am I going to do right?!  So Jenn to the rescue, I call her and she comes drives me to the hospital.  Luckily it didn't break it's was just hyper extended.  Lesson to self never take your children to a lake alone!! I am glad for all the lessons I have learned through this time in my life and to all you single moms out there my hat goes off to you.



 

Motherhood: Is it Really the Death of all That is Me?

Jenn:

    I have often wondered since becoming a mother who am I now? Is a mother all I am? Did I completely forfeit my identity when my son slide down the birth canal? Sometimes I think I did, other days I can actually find myself under the laundry, dishes, and dirty diapers. I love my children, and honestly don't know where I would be without them. With them though I honestly don't know who I am sometimes. I know I like to read and listen to music,but I don't know if I can have a conversation without mentioning my kids. When I have free time  I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Perfect example: recently my friend and I had a few errands to run at the mall. Our significant others were watching the kids so we decided to go out for a drink when we were done at the mall. So as we are walking to the car we are trying to figure out which bar to go to. It was then that we both realized that we had no idea where to go!! I actually had to call my brother(2 years younger and no kids!) to find a good bar! To me this is kinda sad. To realize that I am so defined by my children, husband, and home that I no longer know how to have a good time! I cherish my children but I am starting to feel that I need to make more of an effort being just me.It is very hard for me to do this a lot of the time.  When my children leave, which won't be for awhile, what am I going to do with myself? I have only been a mother for 9 years. If I have so completely lost myself already I am gonna be a mess when I am done raising them. How do I just be myself without being a wife, mother, and homemaker? Maybe I will just become a cat lady!!

Jamie:

   It's really sad when I think of this topic, I do love my children and all the joy that they bring to my life, but sometimes I feel like they killed "Jamie".  I look back to me pre-children and remember actually having a style and clothes that fit.  Now I'm between pre-pregnancy and pregnancy clothes.  Half the time I'm in work out clothing.  It's sad really that I actually wear maternity tops and think they look good.  I used to take time for myself and get ready in the morning.  Now I'm lucky if i can brush my hair and teeth before noon.  I miss having time for me. Sometimes I will call my mom to vent about not having any time to myself and she tells me that I can get time when my kids are grown.  I find that to be truly unfair, and I know life is unfair but it's not right that I give and give and give and none of it goes to me.  I feel lost and am trying now to take a few extra moments to myself in the morning to do my make up, and brush my hair.  I'm suprised at how much better my mood is when I do this.  It took almost 4 years for this realization to hit me, "you mean to tell me that my name isn't mama, that I have another identity?"  For so long now I barely even looked in the mirror and went a couple days without showering and didn't even realize it!  Thats when I realized that I needed some serious nuturing, from myself.  I don't want to have that empty nest feeling when my kids leave and wonder who I am and what I like to do.  So I'm working on that now and hopefully in a few years I'll have a pretty good idea of who I am.

The Easy Way Out?

Jenn:

     As a parent we have many choices to make regarding our children. How they will be raised,what to feed them, schools they will go to, and the list goes on. Of the choices we make some of the hardest are the ones that test our patience. Kids test us nearly everyday, wanting candy instead of food, wanting to play video games instead of pick up after themselves, the list could go on forever. Basically we want them to do one thing and they have their own ideas! The problem with this is we have to choose all the time whether we are going to be the parent that never lets them get away with anything, or the parent that gives in all the time. All to often due to begging, whining, asking repeatedly, and crying we give in. As a parent myself I can tell you I have given in a lot! Mostly with my son and most of the time just so I can have some piece and quite. With my daughter I have been different I have tried so far to not give in as much. It is a mistake (well maybe not a mistake depending on your views) that most parents make. Taking the easy way out. Giving in when we should hold our ground. Sometimes it's okay, but most of the time from my experience when we give in it just teaches our children how to push our buttons. Trust me they learn quickly and they can sense weakness! After they learn how to get what they want it gets even harder to stick to your guns. They pour it on thick and before you know it they have gotten what they want. I guess the point that I am trying to make is even when your children are babies it's important to hold your ground. From a young age they should know your stance so that when they get my son's age you don't have an even bigger problem. I don't think there is an easy way out. Once they learn what buttons to push the momentary silence a Popsicle gives you will not be worth it.

Jamie:

  This is a great topic for me right now.  My husband recently has left for the field doing pre-deployment training.  It seems that since he left my children have gotten significantly more cranky and test my patience  more so then they have in the past.  Last week my cell phone stopped working, so I decided to take a trip to the store to see what was wrong with it and had to drop it off for an hour while they worked on the problem.  While I was there, Colin was running around the store like a mad man and I ended up putting him in timeout in the corner of their store. I got some pretty horrible looks, which I don't really care about because I'd rather stop horrible behavior than condone it.  Anyway, when we were leaving Colin started whining and bellyaching for a hamburger and juice.  I knew that he was hungry it was lunch time and I told him sure you can have a hamburger but no juice until you get home.  I say that because if I give him something to drink he won't eat his food.  So I stopped and picked up all the kids a burger.  When I got home and was unloading everybody I noticed that the burger that was such a huge deal was completely untouched.  Colin of course wanted juice when he got home, but I explained that he could not have juice until he ate the burger.  He decided to take a nap. OK, so I said he would have the burger for dinner.  Dinner comes does he eat the burger, NO, he went to bed without dinner or juice.  Then next day I fed him breakfast, at lunch time I told him that he had to eat the burger or no juice.  Needless to say he didn't eat it.  He never did, but I stuck to my guns and kept trying.  I just don't want to feed him a burger that in my opinion was bad after 2 days of this horrible battle.  But my lesson out of this is I will not give in to crying in public or at home.  If I give him something to eat he needs to eat it or he does not reap the benefits of something sweet like juice.  I do agree with Jenn, giving in is really not the best thing to do.  I am guilty of it more often than not and am really working on it, especially now that I am getting ready to be a single parent for 7 months.  I don't want my children to think that if they press me enough that eventually I will give in.  It is really frustrating and at times it is really tempting just to shut them up and give in, but that is showing them that they can wear me down.  I don't know how I'm going to do it yet and can't guarantee that I'll be 100% successful, but I'm going to do my best.  I'll do an update in a few months and let you all know my progress if I've gotten any better or not.  But for now wish me luck.

Baby Gear Much Like New Cars Depreciate In Value Almost Immediately

Jenn:

   When I was pregnant with my son I could not afford to buy new baby items. His crib was hand me down, stroller, car seat, and clothing bought at yard sales. There is nothing wrong with this. It didn't mean I loved him less or was incapable of caring for him properly. I just couldn't afford brand new things. Ten years later and better off financially, I wanted new things for my daughter. So off we went to Babies " R" Us to shop. We agreed upon a travel system, swing, and play pen that I loved. I couldn't wait for my baby girl to be born to make use of her things.Growing up poor, it gave my husband and I a great sense of pride to buy Katherine new things.I had the intention of reselling her things when she grew out of them. I made sure they were kept clean and well taken care of. I even kept the instruction manuals. Because I took good care of her things they still look brand new. There are a few marks here and there, but over all they look great.

  Recently I took her swing, travel system, a baby gym toy and a baby monitor with 2 handsets still in it's box with all the pieces to a resale shop. This shop will buy "gently used" items from parents and either give you a check or store credit. I was looking to get a check since most of the things in the store were not my idea of "gently used" and for used things overpriced. Since my things were in such good condition and many of the items in the store had sun damage or stains I thought I would receive a pretty good offer. So I packed up all my stuff and off I went.

  Now I am not an unreasonable person. I knew I was not gonna get as much as I spent. I expected at least 140 dollars for the items I took in. They offered me 80. Now I know they are a business and have to make a profit off the things they buy. But 80 dollars for 4 items that combined I paid about 380 for!!!!! Needless to say I was a little miffed. After packing all my stuff up, and waiting around for an hour for them to make me an offer I was less then pleased.

  I declined their offer and asked for my things back. They told me they simply couldn't offer me anymore. I was in disbelief. As I had previously mentioned a lot of the things in their store where not in good condition, and overpriced. I felt they were attempting to rip me off! I mean really you want to buy my swing for 20 bucks and sell it for 55? They told me I should try craigslist. I now have my stuff listed on craigslist, and already had offers! Hopefully it sells pretty fast as I don't want it in my garage forever.

  This whole experience has been a lesson to me. People are never gonna pay you what you think something is worth. I have my travel system listed for 80 dollars. Because I payed so much for it and it is less then 2 years old I feel it is worth 150. Being as I am sensible I do realize no one is gonna pay that much for it. I wish they would though!!

    I am glad that we could buy Kat all new things. Had I known we would have this issue selling her stuff I would have just bought used.


Jamie:
  Looking back at when I was pregnant with my first born, I had the idea to buy everything new.  But taking one look at the price for a crib I quicky decided that buying new was not an option for me.  Being on a military budget does not permit buying a $300 crib and $200 bed set, unless you want to go into debt.  So for me I have for the most part bought used, except for things such as socks, underwear, pacis, bottles, and pj's.  I don't see the point if your kid is only going to use it for less than a year and you definatly will not get your money back.  If you have the money and want to spoil your child Great!
    Jenn and I went into Gymboree the other day, and I really hate going in those stores.  The clothes are soooo expensive, but oh gosh they're adorable.  I do wish that I could afford to buy them, especially because I can find matching outfits for the twins.  It's near impossible to do that with boy girl clothes.  But alas I can not do it due to the fact that they'll grow out of it in less than a year.  Maybe when they're older for like the first day of school or something.  Not now, not while Andrew is a pig and ruins all his clothes.  My advice is to garage sale go online and look for deals, kids cost enough without buying them the best of the best baby things.  Also be sure to have one hell of a babyshower, people love to buy baby things, they're irresistable.  And finally keep a level head and ask yourself will it be worth it to my pocket book in the end, do I want my baby to have cute things or straight teeth later when they need braces, which by the way run about $4000 a mouth (that's $12,000 for me!) 


 

Why?

Jenn:


  Jamie and I were having a conversation today about my daughters year old check-up. I was asking her if it was normal that Kat hasn't said her first word yet. I was concerned because at her appointment her doctor had given me a pamphlet with information on where she should be developmentally. According to said pamphlet Kat should be saying 3 words other then mama or dada at this age. She doesn't. She rarely says mama, usually saves it for when shes upset. Hardly ever says dada. She babbles a lot makes lots of noise, yells. But doesn't really talk. So now of course I am concerned because maybe something is wrong! Do I not talk to her enough? Is there more we could be doing to encourage speech? Well I talk to her all the time,and try to get her to repeat me. She has talking toys and I read to her. For all intents and purposes she should be hearing enough words to carry on full conversations by now!! I think the more important question should be: Why am I worried so much because of a piece of paper? Also why does her doctor not address my concerns? Instead the doctor usually gives me more to worry about!! Example: during the appointment she asked if we had given Kat milk yet. I said yes we had given her some 1% because that was what was in the house. My doctor looked at me like I was trying to hurt my child and told me to give her formula until I got some whole milk for her. I was taken aback by this reaction because correct me if I am wrong, but aren't they the same with the exception of fat content? Now I know she's a growing girl and needs the extra fat. But I really didn't think a week of 1% was that detrimental to her development. Who knows maybe that's why she isn't talking yet!!!!! After discussing all this Jamie and I realized that all these pressures doctors and society put on parents is the reason we started this blog. The last baby I had before Kat was 9 years ago. So while I am not new to motherhood I can tell you it's A LOT different now then it was back then! The pressure new mothers or just parents in general are under is ridiculous nowadays. It's no wonder so many parents are stressed out! With the news,doctors,friends,family,the Internet,and pamphlets telling us we are raising our kids wrong we have no choice! It honestly makes me wonder how the human race survived this long. I mean how did our ancestors over come drinking unpasturized cow milk if my baby can't even drink 1%?  How have we gone from eating mud pies to practically dosing everything in Lysol? I understand that as humans we are constantly evolving, but I think maybe we need to relax some. I am sure our children not talking right when they hit a year or drinking 1%  milk won't be the end of the world!

Jamie:

It really get to me how much pressure is put on us as parents that our children have to fit this "standard" that society has deemed "normal", and if we waver a little then we feel inadequate.   It's really frusterating.  I have been running into a lot of problems with the head start program.  They interfere way too much and sometimes I question whether or not I want to keep the twins in the program.  Last week I was supposed to have a home visit where the kids teacher comes and we have a lesson plan sort of.  Well she called and told me she wasn't able to come due to the fact that Chloe's last hemo level read too low.  So I had to take her to get her blood drawn, which I had done 6 months ago I just forgot to call and get the results.  I think it's overstepping to have me take my 18 month old at the time to have her blood drawn when her hemo levels were .5 under the norm. 
  There have been times when I have questioned whether or not my child was in fact up to "normal" standards, so much so that I have taken Colin to be evaluated for speech twice!  And both times I was told he was doing just fine, but according to reading material I get from the dr. he isn't where he should be! It's just tiring.  I think we should let kids develop at there own stage and take the pressure off of how well he's counting or if she's getting the right kind of milk.  Kids need to be kids, it's no wonder we end up feeling like we're never good enough.  It's engraned in us at an early age.  All I know is I do the best that I can as a parent, and my kids are all unique and will develop on Their own schedule and time.

New Years Thoughts

Jenn:

  I hope you all had happy and warm holidays. I had to work today on New Years Day. It was good and bad. Good because I had plenty of time to think up this post, bad because well it was work! I was thinking today that I don't really like New Years resolutions. The reason why is I don't like feeling as though I have an obligation to change something about me or my life before the next year. It's kinda like I am rebelling against myself. I understand wanting to have resolutions for the New Year. New Year new start and all that. They just don't work for me! So that's why I have decided to have goals for the new year. Now I know what you may be thinking a goal and a resolution are the same thing. I don't feel that they are. To me a goal is more flexible.If you don't complete your goal no biggie you just set a new one. You don't follow through with your resolution then bad things can happen!!! At least that's how it works in my head. Now that I have given you that knowledge, maybe you can understand why I don't like starting off my year by resolving to do things I may not be able to do. My family and I have made some goals. I will share them with you now.
Goal # 1
  We are going to try to get our finances under control. This will be hard considering that I feel you should be able to have some fun with your money. You work all week get a paycheck that all goes to bills that's no fun. So I have a  bad habit of overspending sometimes. Also I have a bad habit of always thinking oh well we will get paid again and justifying a little splurging. We are setting a goal to get a better handle on our debt.

Goal #2
  I feel like losing 2 pounds a week is obtainable goal. That is my personal goal and will also help with goal #1 as we will not be eating out as much.

Well those are the 2 main goals. I have smaller ones such as starting scrapbooks for both my kids, keeping my desk cleaned off, making life less hectic, and keeping a cleaner house. I shall now leave you to your resolutions or goals. I hope you all had wonderful starts to your new year!

Happy New Year! Well almost.

aThese last few weeks have just been chaotic.  We left for our family vacation last sunday the 19th, and the trip started out really well considering we planned to leave at six in the morning and didn't end up getting out the door until nine. But hey lets face it with kids you're usually running behind schedule.  So we started the first leg of our journey to the Grand Canyon.  Our first official stop was in barstow at the marine corps base out there.  It was very desolate and we even saw some tumble weeds roll on by.  The wind was so strong that it knocked Chloe on her butt.  We stayed there for a bit and resumed our first day to Las Vegas.

        Let me just tell you that I'm not really for the whole vegas scene. I don't gamble and the place just gives me horrible vibes.  Anyway, so the grand plan was to go to a really good buffet.  I figure, hey I take the kids with Jenn all the time to a resturant, what's the big deal with taking them out to a buffet.  Well let me tell you what's wrong with taking three kids to a buffet in Las Vegas.  We get there, and get the kids situated with their food and drink.  I am sitting with the kids while Sean goes to get his plate, and after Andrew chugged his lemonade he promptly vomits all over himself.  I tried my best to catch as much of it as I could with the napkin.  Of course I forgot to bring the kids a change of clothes, and it's not like we could just leave we paid $80 for the meal!  So, Sean comes back and as soon as I get ready to take my first bite of food after cleaning up Andrew as much as I could, Chloe poops up her back. Luckily only getting on her back and a little on her pants.  I go to take her to the bathroom and there is a group of tourists taking a photo blocking the exit, finally they move and I can proceed to the bathroom which is lacking a changing station.  So I changed her on the sink, the rest of the dinner was alright considering how much we spent.  So the next time you're thinking of going to a buffet with small children remember that disasters happen usually when you're left alone.

   The next morning, Colin threw up in his bed around 3, and I was up at 7 sick myself throwing up and diahrea.  What a way to start off our trip!  That day we continued on to the grand canyon!  We stopped at the Hoover Dam.  It was really neat, had never been there before.  The wind was crazy strong and oh my gosh was it cold!  The kids were fussy so we didn't stay there too long.  I don't blame them I was cold and couldn't wait to get back in the car.  We checked into our hotel that night and had some jacuzzi time. AHHHH, relaxation!

        The next day was our day at the grand canyon!  It was so spectacular, photos don't do it justice!  It was a lot of fun and we met some cool people there.  The storm came in that afternoon, it had been a little behind us the entire trip.  San Diego and the base were flooded, Las Vegas strip was flooding from what I heard.  I'm glad to have missed all that weather.  So we saw some snow and the clouds blocked the view.  But we were able to see it more the next day after it cleared up. 

      The next day we went to my dear old friend Ashley's house.  I got to meet her son, Fiance and hairless cat!  Those things are so strange, but friendly.  We spent the night there and hung out the next day took the kids to the park and just let them have a kid day.  Then I bathed them loaded them up and we made the last leg of our journey, HOME!  I will say that it's not such a good idea driving at night.  Sure the kids are sleeping but it's sooo hard to stay awake for a 6 hour drive!  Luckily we made it home around 4 am, and I just dropped my head in the pillow and fell asleep.

    Overall it was a really wonderful trip, I'm glad to have had this time with my family.  I will forever remeber this trip and smile.  Now that 2010 is almost over, I'm looking forward to 2011 and hoping it will be just as fun and productive.  May you all have had a happy holiday, and be safe in the new year!!

                            Happy Holidays

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                                                Happy New Year!!